Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Gag Me

I am appalled. Seriously. I've been feeling too unwell to dip far into the query pool lately, but I decided to have a go at it last night. And what did I find?

Limpid pools.

Violet ones.

Limpid pools of violet.


I am not joking. I did. I really did. And what's worse? This is not the first time I've had one of these in the last 6 months. Does this signify a renaissance of the tired cliché? I don't know, but I most certainly hope not.

For your edification, Google Books has provided me with a few examples of WHAT NOT TO DO when you're writing a book. Please take note!

Charlotte was struck by the girl's beauty; her violet eyes were accented by thick dark lashes, and a tumble of luxuriant black curls... (The Lady in Question, Judith Laik, p.160)

...she gazed up at him, her green eyes limpid pools of desire. (River Road, JoAnn Ross, p. 11)

Her eyes were limpid pools with the ability to take a man under and make him not care that he might never again surface. (Love with a Scandalous Lord, Lorraine Heath, p.71)

Jessye met his gaze, her eyes limpid pools of green...(The Outlaw and the Lady, Lorraine Heath, p.105)

These make me want to vomit. Heck, even violet eyes turn me off because I've never seen anyone with purple eyes, but every silly heroine has violet eyes or green ones. At least green is common enough to be believable, but violet? Really? And, of course, they're always framed with "thick dark lashes" because whoever heard of a heroine with thin sandy lashes?

If you're going to send me a query, I'd really appreciate it if you'd try not to make me sick...

And if you send me anything that includes "limpid pools" then I am going to assume you are, as my dad used to say, as dumb as a box of rocks!


Anonymous said...

You missed the extract that went:

I threw a stone in that limpid pool and I heard a voice 'Ouch,' it said 'That was my eye.' I looked again and ripples of blood trickled through the once-calm water. I realised at that moment that I was looking into the pulsating violet (now bloodshot) eye of an irate publisher. There was nothing else to do: I fled.

Elizabeth Chadwick said...

Orbs are nearly as bad and they are usually violet and green too - except when flaming.
I remember one of the selling points of Elizabeth Taylor though, was that she was supposed to have violet eyes?
Whether or note they were limpid pools I don't know!

Nanci said...

I can't hear of limpid eyes without picturing Onslow and Daisy from "Keeping Up Appearances."

Taminator said...

I'm afraid if I saw someone with violet eyes (limpid or not), I'd be thinking they were in serious need of a doctor visit.

My favorite phrase that needs to be banished is "his flaming man-sword" which I read in a Kathleen Woodiwiss novel once.

Elizabeth Chadwick said...

Great balls of fire then Taminator :-)